a man walks into a bar exam. he is incredibly unprepared and fails to get his law degree
Met a girl that said she recognised me from the vegetarian club but I had never met herbivore.
Captain America has been fighting bad guys since WW2 and he’s still just a Captain. Talk about an underachiever.
"you look hot enough to cook a pizza on" is a good compliment to give a girl, right?
My only goal in life as a londoner is to be someone’s rush hour crush in the metro newspaper.
Neymar is sitting at home thinking to himself, “I could’ve had a fucking hatrick by now!”